Have you ever been asked a question that makes you wonder how people perceive you? “Did this person just ask me this because I seem open minded, kind, and non-judgmental or because they think I’m deviant?”

I left my apartment yesterday (I was going to get a haircut) and my neighbor came out of his at the same time. We stopped and chatted by the mail boxes.

I must interject, at this point, that I don’t know him well at all. He moved in probably a year ago, we’ve made small talk. It has occured to me in the past that he has a little crush on me – he’s asked me to have drinks, etc – but he’s a kid (mid 20’s at most) and has a girl friend, who seems as straight and normal as he does. Okay, back to the story.

How’ve you been… Haven’t seen you recently… What are you doing for the Super Bowl… boring neighbor small talk. Then we’re outside and walking up the street together, toward our respective cars. He says, “I’ve been on Craig’s List all morning trying to find someone to help me with something.”
I responded: “Okay, enigmatic.”
He said: “You might actually know someone who could help me.”
Me: “What do you need?”
Him: “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

And now, again, I should interject – I should have seen something coming, but who knows what people are embarrassed by. So I said, “No shame here, no judgments. What do you need?” and he said, “Don’t tell my girlfriend, but I bought a strap-on and I’m looking for someone to fuck me with it.”

I was, to say the least, taken aback; I think I did a good job of disguising it though. I took a moment and told him that while I couldn’t think of anyone off the top of my head I probably knew someone who knew someone. Hell, if this were NY in the 90’s it would be easy, but it’s LA in 2008; I don’t happen to have a dominatrix’s phone number handy.

But wait – there’s more. He then went on to ask if I would be interested in fucking him with the strap-on. Again, what is the perception people have of me?? Rose, who cut and colored my hair right after, said perhaps it is because I am tall. Anyway, I had to explain to him that I thought I would be an inappropriate choice, as his neighbor who would run into him at the mailboxes and laundry, to be the person who de-flowers him, so to speak, but that again, I would make some calls and see if I could find him someone.

I really don’t have a judgment about this. Hey, I’m all for everyone being comfortable with their sexuality, and who cares what gets anyone off? But again, what is it about me? Am I wearing a big red A on my chest? I think I’m sweet.

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